Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

Hateful Timpanic Membranes

November 07, 2003 ... 7:27 a.m.

[as satellite momentarily sticks on �Modern Rock Alternative� station]
Bootsie: �The cable is stuck and this channel sucks!�
TV:*playing Morrissey*
Eibisch: �Ugh. Let there be Weezer!�
TV: �...What�s with these homies dissin my girl...�
Eibisch: �Eibisch has spoken.�

And still they come for me...Yes. November. Iowa. Wasps-A-Plenty.

Okay, check it. Bootsie brought in all of Mom�s plants off the deck. We have a small tropical forest in the house now. But, you know, whatever. Anyway, maybe 20 minutes after she was done, I felt a bug crawling on my arm. For a millisecond, I thought it was a Japanese beetle. There have been a bajillion of them here this year. I just shook my arm and voila! No creepy crawly. Little did I know...

Breathe, Eibisch, breathe...

A half hour later, Bootsie and I are watching South Park in the dark. Mom is doing whatever it was she was doing. I was sitting on the couch with the footrest up, a blanket over my legs and my cat between my feet. Suddenly he started shaking his paw, like he had stepped in some water, at the same time he was batting at my foot. I thought it was the beetle and started to ask Bootsie if she had brought a beetle in with the plants.

And then, in the comforting glow of Eric Cartman, I saw it. Wasp. Crawling. On. My. Foot.

As you can imagine, I calmly...

PEOPLE! I�ve been here nearly two years! I said WASP! Do the words �Eibisch�, �wasp� and �calm� ever belong together? Ever?!?!

In reality, it happened more like this...

Eibisch: �AAA! EEE! AAAAAAAA!!!!�
Bootsie: �What the--? Eibisch, what�s wrong?�
Eibisch: �AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!�
Bootsie: �Eibisch! I can�t--�
Eibisch: �GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE...!�
Bootsie: �What?� *flips on light* �Oh dear.�
Mom: �What is going on? Eibisch, stop screaming!�
Bootsie: *quietly* �Mom. Three wasps are on her foot.�
Mom: �Eibisch, stay still. Bootsie, get the wasp spray.�
Bootsie: �All we have is Lysol air freshener!�

Yes, my home is a wasp-infested death trap but it sure does smell purty.

Oh, and yeah. Three. I only saw one, but there were three. Drei. Tres. Trois.

I went to my doctor. Apparently the ear I thought was on it�s way to healing is so full of infection and blood -- PEOPLE! My ear was BLEEDING!! -- that I have to take a five-day course of antibiotics to clear it up enough for the doc to even look at my eardrum. That is some heavy duty ickiness.

Gack.

Okay, let�s take stock...

Ears? Evil.
Knee? Evil.
Cat? Evil.
Ex-boyfriend? Evil.

It�s all evil, all the time at das haus von Eibisch.

I�m taking the usual Zithromax and Cipro something-or-other. No narcotics.

Dang.

Well, Mom has been in a fine mood all week. Nothing Bootsie does is right. Nothing I do is right. I thought, maybe, my brother moving might lessen some stress. I actually think it has added to the pressure. I may have an aneurysm.

Tomorrow UIowa plays Purdue U. Yay! Football! Maybe the crunching sound of large men in pads and helmets colliding with one another will boost my spirits.

Friday Five

1. What food do you like that most people hate?
Escargot? Braunschweiger?

2. What food do you hate that most people love?
Steak

3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you?
Brad Pitt

4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find attractive?
Eric Roberts

5. What popular trend baffles you?
I guess any �trend�. Everyone dressing/looking like the Good Charlotte kids or Avril or something. Do your own thing.

Currently Reading: If Only It Were True by Marc Levy

Listening To: Plain White T�s
...you changed your plans, you better know that this is all your fault...

Have a happy day!

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