Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

They All Go Away In The End

October 23, 2003 ... 2:41 p.m.

[on Sylvia Plath]
Pinball: �She killed herself by putting her head in the oven! That�s funny!�

You know what word I hate? Ironical. It�s a stupid word. Something is satirical or ironic. It is not ironical.

Just going around combining words willy-nilly is no kind of rational language formation! I mean, really. I like peanut butter on bananas with a touch of chocolate syrup. And I call them peanut butter bananas with a touch of chocolate syrup.
I do not refer to them as Banapean Buttclates.

Perhaps I should.

Ironical. And another word that bugs me? Tornadic. As in �tornadic activity�, as in pertaining to tornadoes. I believe our local weatherman, Dave Towne, simply made that word up about 15 years ago when he was desperately in need of yet another adjective to describe some severe weather and it has spread like a wildfire. Or the plague.

I�m taking a writing class through the U of Iowa. For this assignment, we are writing truthful fiction. You read that right. We have to write a letter to our future spouse (stop laughing), or future child or grandchild.

Okay. Laugh it up.

Are you done?

ANYway, I called mine �Dear You, Love Me�--which is the title of a Drawing A Blank song, but whatever. I have no idea what to write. I�m writing to my hypothetical future spouse. I have no idea what to say. So far I have �Hi.� If that doesn�t snag the future Mr. Eibisch, I don�t know what will.

I�ll post it when I�m done, so y�all can have a hearty laugh. It�ll be decent entry filler at any rate.

Okay, that�s as much non-depressiveness as I can muster today.

Everything is just so messed up here. Mom took my brother to yet another doctor today. This doctor recommended immediate disruption and institutionalization. He also said my brother�s brain has rewired itself, an actual physiological problem that will take years of intensive round-the-clock therapy for years to help him function. If he ever can. This is not the first doctor to say this.

But God.

The things this child went through? And the only way for his little mind to protect itself was to react and �rewire� in this manner? I cannot stand it. And he got out of that orphanage. He, at the very least, has a fighting chance. But there are so many children still there. I know I�m a soft touch, children are so very important to me, but the magnitude of what happened to him and what may be happening.... my heart is just in so much pain.

The crux of the situation is that my brother will be moving into a group home/treatment facility October 30. It�s a nice place, it really is, and he goes there daily for an after school program. He likes it there. It is absolutely the best thing for him, for Mom and for Bootsie. I believe it�s good for me, too. I�ve been bawling for three days and I�m an emotional wreck, so I�m not sure if this is best for me. And, of course, it doesn�t (nor should it) matter what�s best/good for me when it comes to doing right by my brother.

But I�m ~~a grown-up~~ an adult and I�m equipped to deal. So I will.

It�s just...my boy isn�t my boy anymore and I�m hurting.

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Have a happy day!

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