Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

Sounds Logical To Me

April 18, 2004 ... 12:21 p.m.

[after smashing a wasp repeatedly]
Bootsie: �It won�t die! Dude! Go towards the light!�

It�s an absolutely gorgeous day! Sunny, breezy and currently 84�.

You read that right. Eighty. Four. It�s almost Summer. YAY!

Saturday night, I went to a Cedar Rapids River Raiders basketball game. Yours truly is a season ticket holder. How could I not be? CR is my city and Dean Oliver is here playing. Dean and his 100%-Grade-�A�-Top-Choice derri�re. (Have I mentioned that I�m a butt girl??). Anyway, I love basketball and Dean Oliver is more gorgeous than the weather today.

The Raiders won. We have a pretty good team and I think there were about 4,000 fans in attendance although, I think, 5,000+ tickets were sold. A great turnout for USBL.

Today, I woke up early to my loudly buzzing alarm clock.

And then I remembered my alarm clock wasn�t set.

And then I remembered that, even if it had been set, it goes off playing music.

And then I remembered that my alarm clock beeps -- it does not buzz.

The clock does not buzz.

Surely, I reasoned, surely there was a reasonable explanation for this infuriated buzzing.

Then it hit me. The reasonable explanation. It was a wasp. A huge, mutant wasp. Possibly with a double stinger. And a cache of small firearms. He was obviously sent on a reconnaissance mission by those involved in the Horror of 2002 to locate me and report back to his superiors. His superiors who, if not directly involved in the Horror of 2002 themselves, are direct descendants of those that were. Once his COs get the report, they will descend upon this home like vultures on a warm chunk of carrion. They will, no doubt, have strategized upon this very scenario all those long winter months and will have stockpiled much weaponry including, but not limited to, wire cutters to ease their path through my window screen and to my sleeping form. Failing that, they most assuredly know of our swimming pool, the siren song of which is already pulling me hither. In fact, they must�ve somehow engineered the sale of this house. Yes. The Horror of 2002 sent a scouting troop out to look for homes with pools, knowing their allure is irresistible to me and, upon finding, most likely sent one or two platoons to blanket the property and terrorize the previous owners into selling. Of course, once that objective was completed, they returned to their hideous nest of damnation so as not to arouse suspicion or alarm when we looked at this house.

And so they have returned.

The only thing for me to do now is wait. Hunkered down and barricaded in the cold, cold basement waiting for the creatures much like the 101st in foxholes at Bastogne waiting for the Germans. But there will be no Patton coming with reinforcements, there will be no rescue. For nobody believes me, they have not been the ones to bear witness to this particular level of evil insidiousness. Oh, but they won�t stop with me. Oh, no. Once they develop the taste for blood, they�ll come for you as well. The evil of the Horror of 2002 squadron will fan out (a la 28 Days Later) and soon, very soon, the wasps will rise up and take what they believe is their rightful place as Masters of the Universe.

All you will be able to do then is bemoan the fact that you brushed off my dire warnings as the mere rantings of a crazy lady who has too much time on her hands.

That, and pray for a quick death.

Yep. I am totally insane. Watched Brittany and Lil� JD yesterday. Ivy had her bridal shower--she�s marrying Cousin#1--and Bootsie took our grandma. Mom didn�t go because I didn�t go.

Also because she never misses an opportunity to bemoan the fact she is without sons-in-law and/or grandchildren. And, really, is there a better time to harp on grandchildren when your daughter is taking of two of the most adorable children on the planet? No, no there isn�t. And thus, harping ensued.

I really doubt this marriage will last. No one in our family seems to like her. There are many reasons for this, not the least of which is that fact that she treats Brittany horribly. She is awful to that little girl. [sarcasm] Her kids are perfect angels, though.[/sarcasm]

We were invited to her kids� birthday parties. Brittany didn�t have one (and she�s blood). She got the choice of having a cake or having her half-sister she rarely sees (the girl lives out of state). What the hell kind of choice is that for 7-year-old? On her birthday?

I seriously dislike that woman.

Currently Reading: The Life Before Her Eyes by Laura Kasischke

Listening To: Jim Croce
...every time I tried to tell you, the words just came out wrong...

Have a happy day!

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