Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

Tests, Emo Trauma & Caucuses ... Oh My!

January 20, 2004 ... 9:18 p.m.

Eibisch: �It�s funny! It�s a joke!�
Bootsie: �What if he doesn�t get the joke?�
Eibisch: �Then he has no sense of humor and should be shot."

I had a busy couple of days. I went and caucused yesterday. That word does not sound right as a verb.

Caucusing we will go, a�caucusing we will go, hi ho the dairy-o ... sorry.

And for you non-Iowans who are not happy with who won, I have only this to say in our defense: we Iowans can sniff out bullsh*t with the best of 'em, and we choose not to step in it if we don't have to.

Also, I told you there was something off about Howard Dean.

I�m not saying who I voted for--that�s private and confidential and why are you so nosy? But I will tell you my candidate did not win the Iowa Caucus. He did, however, finish in the top two.

Did you get that?

I took my two CLEP tests yesterday, too. I enjoy being intelligent, although it doesn�t come across here, eh?

The tests were a breeze and I�m pretty sure I�ll get the credit I need. I couldn�t find out right away as two different people must read and score my essays. And my feelings on subjective essay grades have been well documented.

I�m actually debating whether to take the history test that covers the Civil War and Reconstruction. I�ve got that era in history pretty much down, but I am not certain I know enough names and dates. I suppose I could take it in March with my old high school teacher who still adores me (and, really, how could he not?) or by correspondence this Summer. I don�t know and I�m not making any plans.

I�m also thinking of taking the German tests. They have different levels, but level I or first year should be a snap. I�m pretty sure level II would go smoothly but, after that, I think I�d be pressing my luck. There is a world of difference between being conversational and fluent or being conversationally fluent and proficiently fluent. I mean, I can curse a blue streak auf Deutsch but I don�t know if I can recite Longfellow properly.

Meh. I got time.

I watched my little little cousins today. The 10-month-old (Abby), the 14-month-old (~~Baby~~ Lil� JD) and the 2�-year-old (Michaela).

Okay. The cuteness is going to kill me. I cannot stand it and they are really good, happy, smiley babies. Not even fussy at naptime. Michaela seems to think I am amazing because I can understand her when she talks. She is/was very spoiled and is only now beginning to string words together. Her parents also baby talk to her and she has to ask for nothing.

Not gonna happen on my watch. When you�re with me--you talk. And she did. Very well. She has a much better vocabulary than she lets on. She would ask me something and I would answer or we�d have a short conversation and it tickled her. So she thinks I am a genius.

Well, for that, and because I am totally fluent in �VeggieTales�.

Ahh ... kids ...

Today Mom had a meeting for, and a Thursday court appointment, the beginning of the disruption.

I thought I would feel some relief or guilt, maybe. But I just feel so immeasurably sad. I know intellectually that this is the best course for all involved, but that doesn�t change anything for me emotionally. Or maybe it does. Maybe it makes it worse for my heart and head to be at odds. Polar opposite odds, at that. I don�t very often have these kind of internal struggles that just tear me apart, either. Unfamiliar territory.

I love this boy and I miss him so much. I know my mom and sister have gone through their grieving period, but now it is almost �out of sight, out of mind� and it�s awkward to bring up his name--even for good things.

Children are so precious and I don�t understand how anyone can intentionally hurt a child so much that their little brains have to rewire themselves for protection. That is some twisted shit and there better be a special level of hell for monsters like that.

Note to Ben Moody: Why? I mean, I can understand quitting the band. Maybe Amy�s hair bugged you. Maybe Amy is a ~~sociopathic attention whore~~ camera hog. Maybe you were mad that even Paul McCoy got more air time than you. Maybe LeCompt got a little handsy. I don�t know, whatever. But, dude ... Avril? Avril? AVRIL? Good God, man! Have you no shame?

Oh, well. You�ll always have Fallen to look back on and see how far you�ve ... yeah.

Currently Reading: The Grass Dance by Laurel Johnson

Listening To: Chris Isaak
...Let's all stay up all night, everything's gonna be alright, come on over you can hang with me...

Have a happy day!

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