Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

I�m Still Sick But Now I Have Drugs

May 23, 2003 ... 4:58 p.m.

I�m Still Sick But Now I Have Drugs

Mom: �What are you listening to?�
Eibisch: �AFI.�
Mom: *to Bootsie* �What�s an AFI?�
Bootsie: �They�re one of those grunge bands.�
Eibisch: *has aneurysm*

Went to the doctor. My personal physician was not there. I had to see his partner. His new partner. Who looks like a cross between Jet Li and Doogie Howser. And his name, people, his name! Dr. Wuhwuh. It's pronounced Woowoo. That's right. Doctor Woowoo.

He was cool, though. He gave me a script for Tylenol 3. Tylenol. Codeine. Ahhh.

Dr. Woowoo is my new best friend.

"Suedehead". I saw that. Are you mocking me?

My grandpa made fun of me today for being afraid of wasps. He�s been stung, blah blah blah, it�s not that bad.

Okay. Yeah. Well, he was a gunner on a WWII Red Cross transport ship in/around Okinawa and a Japanese airplane dropped a torpedo and it hit the ocean at an angle and skipped right over his ship.

So I�m thinking.......no. Wasps are probably not scary to him.

I�m such a weenie.

But I was stung once. By a bee. On the inside of my thigh. I was walking along a street in Czech Village during Houby Days, which is basically 3 days of celebrating mushrooms and Czech heritage. But you know it�s all about the mushrooms.

Stop laughing.

Houby Days kind of starts the festival/carnival season. Next we have the Kolach Festival. Which is rides, music and kolach-related......stuff.

And then we have the Hiawatha Hog Wild Days. Which is rides, music and hog-related......stuff.

Somewhere along the way, there is Chili Days. Rides, music and--yes, indeed--chili-related......stuff.

We also have a big Pow Wow down in Tama sometime. But there is a whole tribe-casino-council thing going on now. So, who knows?

And the Freedom Festival, which I enjoy. Especially the Tournament of Drums, where drum corps at various levels compete. I used to be in drumline. I also used to march French Horn. Hi. Me. Queen Dork.

But then...the big one...the Sweet Corn Festival. That�s right. Three days where we celebrate sweet corn (not the crap we feed you people, the good stuff) and raffle off a car.

Sure, go ahead, laugh it up. This is Iowa. We have very little else to do. We have no professional sports teams. The closest we have is a Class A affiliate baseball team for the Angels. They�re called the Kernels. They are so. No, I am not making that up. Our city even voted on it. They used to be the Cedar Rapids Reds. That just wasn�t Iowa-y enough, apparently.

I love them, though. I go to as many games as I can. And our stadium? Kick ass!

I had this dream last night where I was at the mall and everyone was looting. Only not the crazy-free-Iraq looting, people were shopping the stores and just taking stuff. It was a polite, midwestern type of looting. Store employees were very helpful, as well.

I immediately headed for the jewelry stores. Because I�m all high-maintenance like that. I was all about the pearls, too. Did not even glance at the diamonds. I grabbed strand after strand of pearls in every color. Alas, they were all fakes. I knew because I rubbed them all against my teeth. My dream self did not pause to consider hygiene.

Later, I passed a store called �409� (don�t ask--I don�t even know), which was very Hot Topic-ish. They were somehow holding POD hostage and forcing them to sing all their hits in Spanish as a Mariachi band.

Revele a m�
Los misterios
Puede usted decirme lo que significa
Explique estos movimientos y met�foras
Abra estos secretos en m�
Describa las visionea
El significado falta
Cualquiera no escuchar�...

Hahahaha

God, I love codeine.

You know that part in Romy and Michelle�s High School Reunion when Janeane Garofalo holds up her cigarette and says, �I�d rather put this out in my ass�?

Well, in promos or maybe when it�s all edited she says �I�d rather put this out in my right eye�.

I think that�s funnier.

Friday Five

1. What brand of toothpaste do you use?
Listerine. Cool mint! Yeah!

2. What brand of toilet paper do you prefer?
Oddly, I have no particular brand loyalty.

3. What brand(s) of shoes do you wear?
Whatever fits. Whatever is at whichever store I happen to be at when I think "Hey! I should buy some shoes!". Oh, and I like Reebok.

4. What brand of soda do you drink?
Pepsico or whatever. I drink Mt. Dew like it's water.

5. What brand of gum do you chew?
Trident. Spearmint or Wintermint or some kind of mint.

Currently Reading: Love In The Time Of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
(I don't know why. I'm sick. Leave me alone. It's good, I swear.)

Listening To: Phantom Of The Opera
...in the dark it is easy to pretend that the truth is what it ought to be...

~*~

Have a happy day!

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