Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

It�s 1am--Do You Know Who Your Kids Are?

April 08, 2003 ... 1:01 a.m.

It�s 1am--Do You Know Who Your Kids Are?

Oscar: �YES! Diabetic coma, here I come!�

Remember how it was 86 degrees on April 1st? Yeah, it snowed 3 � inches last night and it�s 29 degrees right now.

Welcome to Iowa, where Mother Nature revels in unfettered insanity.

The house is a mess--clothes in piles everywhere, vinyl records in every corner and empty liquor bottles strewn about. My grandparent�s are moving into a condo and we�re helping them clean out their house. The clothes, my God, the clothes! My grandma has at least 11 white cardigans. Same size, same style, same everything. And six of them--SIX--still have tags on them. This is not unusual. If you could see the sheer volume of my Gram�s clothing in this house, you might assume she walks around naked all day.

I apologize for that mental imagery.

At any rate, she does not. And, in point of fact, I rarely see her wear the same thing twice. I can�t even hazard a guess as to where all these clothes are hiding.

I think I kind of have the same problem. I wear pretty much the same type of outfit everyday. Jeans and a t-shirt. And Reeboks. Once in a while I�ll pull on some khakis. You know, mix it up a little. Truthfully, I wear what I want to wear when I want to wear it--I just have a fondness for jeans and tees.

That said, my closet is packed--floor to ceiling--with clothes (and books). My dresser, that I haven�t actually opened in three months, is crammed with clothing. I don�t wear them. I don�t know why I have them. I would donate them, but then I go through the �situation game�. You know the If-I-go-out-to-a-club-and-The-Kickovers-are-performing-and-Mikey-Welsh-has-recovered-from-his-heroin-and-mental-instability-thing-and-his-painting-has-grown-tedious-so-he-is-back-with-the-band-and-I-have-a-spot-right-by-the-stage-and-Mikey-falls-in-love-with-me-at-first-sight-as-of-course-he-would-this-shirt-would-look-so-kick-ass! game.

Or something to that effect.

I was listening to a bunch of music earlier and I was singing along to Letters to Cleo and my mom asked who they were. I told her and she made a face. Then a Simple Plan song played and she asked who they were. I told her, she made a face and said �I didn�t know you liked that kind of music.� What? That kind of music?

First of all...Hi, allow me to introduce myself--I�m your daughter. Of over 26 years.
Secondly...that Eminem cd I was listening to was okay, but that kind of Letters To Cleo/Simple Plan music isn�t?

My mom is just weird.

My little cousin, Brittany, is having her 7th birthday party this weekend. Ach, they grow up so fast! Why, just yesterday I was remembering living in North Carolina with her father, Cousin#1, while he denied paternity for eight months even though his ex swore Britt was his and sent pictures of the baby, which made me wonder if the process of cloning had grown by leaps and bounds because Brittany is an exact duplicate of Cousin#1 (except she�s a girl. whatever.) and the ex kept calling at ungodly hours and leaving weird, venomous messages on the answering machine and, one time, I answered the phone and she really flipped out because not only was he living with another female but we have the same first name. *GASP* Egads!

So I got Brittany ballet lessons.

April. April 1st--86 degrees. April 7th--3 inches of snow.

It�s just so wrong.

Remember my pal, Lynnette? The vegetarian? It may have been some kind of snow induced psychosis, but we made a bet. I go vegetarian until July 4th. She tried to have me do the vegan thing, but please, I�d have to kill myself. If I go back to meat (...nachos, Eibisch...nachos...), meaning I win, she owes me $100 and a pizza (...pepperoni, Eibisch...pepperoni). If I decide to stay with it, meaning she wins, I agreed to give the vegan thing a try for a month.

This is what crazy weather does to me, people. Mother Nature plays games with my head and the end results are not pretty.

I�m surprised I�m not delusional and chasing my family around a deserted hotel with an axe.

What was I thinking? Oh, well. You know what? It�s an adventure. I�m still not sure about tofu, but I like garden burgers, so maybe I won�t really notice a difference. It might be interesting to see how long it takes my family to notice.

Currently Reading:
Unnatural Death: Confessions of a Medical Examiner by Michael M. Baden

Listening To: Rick Nelson Greatest Hits
...See you can�t please everyone, so you got to please yourself...
Ricky Nelson...*sighs dreamily*

~*~

Have a happy day!

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