Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

How I Waste My Days

January 16, 2003 ... 10:26 p.m.

How I Waste My Days

Eibisch: �And by the way, when I think of Brody, porn music is appropriate.�
Bootsie: �...�
Eibisch: �wocka chicka bow bow chicky bow bow...�
Bootsie: �So this is what a grand mal seizure feels like.�

hee.

Hi! It�s 0 degrees! Iowa sucks! Woo!

I guess I�ll tell you about my classes. My first class is Theatre and I have it MWF morning. It�s in a large room and, instead of a flat floor, has graduated seating. Much like a...theatre! Dude! Anyway, there are 30 students and I think 27 of them are Abercrombie (I seem to have developed a hatred towards Abercrombie & Fitch as of late) models and may have been cloned. All of the girls--all--had shoulder length, straight blond or light brown hair. They wore it parted in the middle and straight as pin. They all had varying layers of make-up, form medium heavy to Tammy Faye. And strangely, the majority of them were wearing turtleneck sweaters in assorted pastels. True, it was cold. But are sweatshirts now considered gauche? My teacher is a nice man, about fifty and looks as unlikely to be a teacher as Dennis Rodman. He wears a dark t-shirt, jeans and scuffed, paint-spotted shoes. He has a full beard and shaggy hair, both of which are gray. He looks like he should be a stage hand. I think he is my favorite teacher.

Next, 5� hours later, I have History. There are 11 people in my class. 5 guys, 6 girls. Nothing spectacular. We look like we�re in a History at a community college in Iowa. Which we are. Just your stereotypical corn-fed white kids. There�s one guy...�Jeff�...who is very pleasant and made small talk with everyone. If my vocal abilities didn�t immediately disappear once I left my home...

Anyway, 9 of the kids are fresh out of high school. I mean, they�ve had one term at college, but they�re 18 or 19. Then there�s me. Yay me! And a guy who is 47. Or, at least, that�s what he told me. And, to be honest, he does look 45ish. I didn�t catch his name. My History teacher is in his mid-fifties, wears cable knit sweaters in bold colors and khakis. He has thinning, blond hair and smiles a lot. He seems a cross between Mr. Rogers and Bob from Sesame Street.

Oh, don�t even pretend you don�t know who Bob is.
You know Bob.
Yes, you do.
�Sing, sing a song� Bob. Mm-hmm.

He seems nice enough, but he is going to piss me off. I can tell. He�s talking about Vietnam and Pearl Harbor and this and that. Every time he brings up a new topic, he prefaces it with �I expect you not to know this...� I cannot tell you how many times he said that. Apparently, he �expects� me to be an idiot.
And, �I expect you not to know this...� has an entirely different meaning than �I don�t expect you to know this...�

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have Composition. [sarcasm] Woo. [/sarcasm] I can barely keep my eyes open in this class, it is so tedious. The regular teacher hasn�t been to class for the two times we�ve met. We have had a substitute. Guess who. Go on. Guess.
Hint #1...Emily Dickinson
Hint #2...lollipop
Hint #3...I despise him (and, no, Captain Gel does not teach.)

drumroll please........MR. NASTYLITTLETROLLMAN!!!!!!!!!!!! That�s right. And he�s just as nasty, little and troll-ish as he ever was.

There are 28 students. 14 of each gender. This is my quietest class, it is also the earliest. Might be coincidence. The guys are all fairly similar looking--average height, average weight, average clothes. Baggy jeans, white t-shirts, plaid shirts over them, Nikes and baseball caps seem to be the uniform du jour. Many of them have at least one ear piercing, most have both ears pierced. Bleach blond tips in light brown hair is the style of choice. The girls look much like those in my theatre class. Straight, shoulder length hair parted in the middle. The shirts varied, but the jeans were all flared and their shoes usually platforms. The make-up is not quite as prevalent, and I have to wonder if that�s due to the early class time. Because nobody wants to chance the mascara wand before their morning shot of Starbucks.

Then, 8 hrs later, Spanish.

That�s right. My classes are all (except Ethics) 5+ hours apart. All hail Eibisch, zen mistress of horrific scheduling.

My teacher is a fairly young gal, 35 ish, and blond and...actually, she looks quite a bit like the singer from Nickleback. I am lost in this class. Most of the 31 students had her for Spanish I last term. The others had different teachers, but took Spanish I last term as well. I thought I still had enough passable Spanish, but I just freeze in this class and hope she doesn�t call on me. She invariably does. So I guess dogs, bees and teachers can smell fear. Maybe she knows I want to start belting out �How You Remind Me� every time she enters the class room.

Dear. Lord. I am going to fail this class. I will go down in flames. We had a quiz tonight. 10 points. I got two right. Damndamndamndamn. I should have just taken German in the first place. Spanish is supposed to be easy, for cryin� in the petunias! I just have a Spanish block, that�s all. I�ll calm down and just do some review this weekend. I�m getting crazy. Deep breaths.

Then, at night, Ethics. I wonder if, besides a total absence of personality, the students are severely anemic. Maybe they�re vampires. They�re all pale and limp and mute. That could just be a side effect of it being mid-January in Iowa, though. The teacher looks like a deranged muppet. He does, too. He has no neck, is about two feet tall and controlled by strings. Oh, okay, I made the string part up. He has red hair that is plastered to the top of his head but wings out wildly at ear-level and he has a big mustache that looks as though it would come in handy for straining soups. His voice sounds like...let me think...Meg Tilly�s. I was going to use Karen from �Will & Grace,� but it isn�t that high.

So, basically, my plans for this weekend are..eat, sleep and watch Galavision.

And you?

In Heaven there is no beer....
That�s why we drink it here....
And when we�re gone from here....
Our friends will be drinking all the beer....

HELL YEAH!

THAT�S MY TEAM!

HELL YEAH!

UIOWA 68

(8) Illinois 61

Next up: at Wisconsin

GO HAWKEYES!

Currently Reading:
I still got nothing.

Listening To: I lied. I am still obsessed with �I Want To Hold Your Hand.�
I need a hobby.
Chess, anyone?

~*~

Have a happy day!

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