Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

It�s A Good Thing I�m Over That Now

August 13, 2002 ... 12:18 a.m.

It�s A Good Thing I�m Over That Now

So my mom got me some pants today. And they are stuck in the back of my closet with my unworn prom dress. They�re nice knit pants. They�re also yellow. I like yellow, I look good in yellow. But, ay caramba, are these yellow! I can�t wear these pants in public--they frighten my cat!

Oy! Mom...really, they didn�t have black?

Oh--my unworn prom dress, you ask? Long and embarrassing...so I�ll put it up in public forum! Woo-hoo, I rock!

I�ll start when I was a junior. My friend, �Bob�, asked me to his prom. I said yes. Two weeks before that prom, he called and said he was going with...�Ashley.� Ashley, with the ultra-bitchy-holier-than-thou-attitude? Fine, whatever, no biggie.

Flash forward to my senior year. I am on the Prom Planning Committee (PPC). I have had a date, Eddie, for about 4 months.

I bought a floor length, strapless black velvet gown with these white chiffon panels in the skirt. That description does not do justice to this dress. I was a knock-out in this dress. Had I been Eddie--or anyone with a Y chrmosome, for that matter--I would have begged me for my hand in marriage the second I saw me in that gown.

I looked good. Not just good--damn goooood!

Anyway, the Thursday before prom (which was Saturday) Eddie came up to me in the hall as I was leaving the gym, after working with the PPC.

�Eibisch,� he says �I don�t think we should go to prom together.�

I had no idea what to say or do. Well, I had an idea of what I wanted to do. I finally just asked why.

He said, and I quote (the whole experience has left an indelible impression), �I just want to find someone better.�

Better?!?! Better?!?! I must have had a look of utter disbelief, as he quickly corrected himself.

�I mean, someone prettier.�

Prettier?!?! Prettier?!?! Well good luck, jackass. There is a reason his pseudonym is Eddie. I was going to go into a whole tirade on his looks, but I�ll just wave to him from the high road.

Friday, the PPC decorated the gym. The girls all discussed their hair and make-up and where their dates were taking them. It was all I could do to keep from crying. How much more humiliating could it get--to be on the PLANNING committee and get dumped two days before prom for someone better and prettier?

Well, I�ll tell you.

My mom thought she would take me out to dinner out of town to �get away from the prom-ers.� First we had to stop for gas. Bootsie and I wait in the car at the middle pump. As I stare at the car in front of us, it slowly dawns on me...that�s Eddie�s car. Oh. My. God. And then a van pulls up behind us. We are sandwiched between five couples gassing up before prom. Luckily, Mom gets back and we manage to get out without being seen. So we drive around for an hour and stop at some Mom & Pop diner. We walk in. There, in all their prom finery, is Eddie�s best friend �Tim� and his date. And there I was--no makeup, my favorite chewed up old sweatshirt and my �I�m depressed� sweatpants. With my little sister. And my mom.

We pretended not to know each other, thankfully. But I can imagine what comedy must have ensued when they met up at prom.

But that�s not the end. Oh no, there is more humiliation!

We had organized an after-prom party at a local bowling alley. I wasn�t going to go, but I had to as a PPC higher up. By this point, I figured I�m as low as I can get. So I changed into a big flannel and jeans and head to the bowling alley. I figure most of the kids (the girls anyway) will change before bowling. First person I see is my arch-nemesis� mom. She snarkily compliments me on my �fine prom attire.�

Who says stuff like that? Whose mom says stuff like that?

I wanted to chuck my rental shoes at her. But I didn�t. High road. The kids started arriving. I begin to realize NO ONE had changed. Crap. But they seemed to be heading to the game room, so I am alone on the lanes. I was in #1 and #2, with 31 other open lanes. 31--it�s important. Because next through the entrance saunters Tim and his date, followed by Eddie and.......ASHLEY???? WHAT!?!?!?

ASHLEY is �better� than me? ASHLEY is �prettier� than me?

Hmmph.

And guess which lane they pick? 31 lanes to choose from. 31!

Yep. #3 and #4. And, no he didn�t have even the smallest bit of courtesy to take #4. Oh, no--why would he want a buffer zone when he had front row seats to the salting of my wounds?

And I couldn�t leave until it was all over. It was one of the longest nights in my life.

And to catch you up on our post-prom lives--Tim�s date is...well, I never caught her name so I don�t know. Tim lives in China, Eddie is married, Ashley is married...to Bob. And I live with my mom and write in an online diary. So, see? Everything works out in the end...

Wait a minute.

I got totally gypped.

Oh, well. I have a feeling that, in a year or so, things are gonna go my way. I'm gonna move out and transfer and move out and get a car and move out and...did I mention moving out?

My cousin just e-mailed me new pics of her daughter. If this baby were any sweeter, I would need an insulin shot.

Enjoy having �the cute baby� while it lasts, Cuz. I got your number.

And you know how yesterday I was bemoaning the lack of airtime for the new Elvis song on my local station? Well, last night I couldn�t sleep (I�m a terrible sleeper) so I turn on the radio. 1:07 a.m. Guess what is playing?

Yep. Elvis.

I�m telling you, they are playing with my mind!

It has not escaped me that I don�t exactly fill my journal with deep thoughts or exciting descriptions of my day. It�s not that I don�t want to. It�s just...I don�t know. I have such a wide range of interests. I enjoy reading Shakespeare and Piers Anthony. I read anything and everything on Elvis and JFK�s assassination. I like all kinds of music, Letters To Cleo to ELVIS to Harry Connick, Jr. I am fascinated by sharks and dinosaurs (it�s a remnant from child hood and...I�m a big dork.) I�d just as soon go to the IHOP as a steakhouse. I guess it�s just hard to think of any one thing I want to write about. Or that would be of any interest outside my own mind.

Currently Reading: The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver (I think I can, I think I can)

Listening To: ELVIS: As Recorded At Madison Square Garden (there�s nothing like hearing Elvis sing �You�ve Lost That Lovin� Feeling� or �Suspicious Minds� live).

~*~

Have a happy day!

7 ... 8