Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

Are you sure you want to know?

July 19, 2002 ... 11:36 a.m.

Are you sure you want to know?

I don�t--and I was there!

Okay, okay. I am lazy, lazy, lazy. I haven�t updated in something like 2 weeks. I am a bad person.

I think that is enough contrition, don�t you?

So I owe you details of Cari�s wedding.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry.

It�s just...well...it was one of the most white-trashiest weddings ever. The bride (Cari) wore an above the knee--ok, that�s PC, it was a mini--sleeveless, white (insert snort of disbelief) shift-type/halter dress. And her three bridesmaids wore the same dress. They wore dark tan/kind of orangey hose and white shoes. Cari wore flats because she is 6�0� and the groom is 5�7�. Cari and her b-maids all have large tattoos trailing down their arms which might have persuaded me to look at a different style of dress, but whatever.

The groom ("Jeff") wore blue shorts and a white t-shirt. The groomsmen: one wore black slacks and a polo shirt, one had on jean shorts and a white polo and one had on black cut-off jean shorts and a Budweiser tank top.

The minister was just about to pronounce them �husband and wife� and the stereo attendant accidentally pressed �play� and blared Guns N Roses �Welcome to the Jungle.�

Or maybe not so accidently.

Cari�s 13 year-old-son, "Elton" played his Gameboy through the entire ceremony--loudly.

The �unity� candle was one of those large, multi-wick thing that smelled like mulberry. When they exchanged rings, Cari licked Jeff�s finger because the ring was a tad snug. Did I mention that the wedding took place in the middle of a trailer park? Well, it did.

Oh, Cari�s mom threw a bowl of potato salad at Jeff because she hates him and was bad mouthing him all day and Jeff finally told her to get a grip. Then Jeff�s sister threw the baked beans at Cari�s mom. Cari�s dad hit the sister�s husband. And a brawl ensued. It was crazy. But no police, which would have quite clearly earned them the title of �White Trashiest Wedding of the Decade.�

The wedding was at 10 am and everyone except me and the kids had already been drinking. They also played �Who Let The Dogs Out� at least four times.

It was....um....interesting.

I really need new friends.

Tonight we�re all going to the Great Jones County Fair to see Toby Keith! Woo-hoo! And I don�t care if Peter Jennings doesn�t like him, I do!

Later.

~*~

Have a happy day!

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