Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

He isn�t perfect, but he serves a great cheese blintz

June 25, 2002 ... 10:16 p.m.

He isn�t perfect, but he serves a great cheese blintz

Well.

I would post my review of Lilo & Stitch....but I can�t. Why? No, Disney is not harassing me. No, Ebert hasn't leaned on me.

It�s because my cat is trying to kill me.

Background: Tinker was declawed when he was a wee kitten. All four paws. No claws on the kitty. Tinker is an indoor feline. He occasionally ventures into the backyard--but only on a collar and leash. He has snuck out, but rarely and not in the last couple of years (See where this is going???)

So the fam is heading out the door into the garage. Le Prince was holding the door for me because...well...he�s a prince and he loves me best. Anyway, Tinker streaks to the door, winds around my ankles, races toward the wide open garage door and.......stops. I think he turned to watch as I fell onto the concrete floor. I hit my mouth on the step. 4 stitches in my lip. I now look quite a bit like Bubba from Forrest Gump. No Lilo & Stitch. No Elvis in surround sound/THX. No cheesecake. But plenty of �There�s boiled shrimp, fried shrimp, shrimp scampi, shrimp cocktail...�

Yes, my life really is this much fun!

Guess what?!?!?! Cedar Rapids is getting an IHOP (International House of Pancakes, for the unenlightened)! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! I LOVE the IHOP. Okay so I�ve never been to an Iowa IHOP. I don�t know if there is an IHOP in Iowa. (although a quick check shows two) But I went to one in Phoenix 10 times. I was in Phoenix for the sweet 16 in NCAA basketball in 1999. And every morning Eibisch went to the IHOP. Except one morning when I went to a Waffle House, which I also enjoy. Phoenix was not my first IHOP encounter. No, that distinction goes to Coeur D�Alene, Idaho. But it was Phoenix that did me in.

Crepe style international pancakes...mmmm. Or their International omelette...mmmm. Or the cheese blintzes...mmmm.

I am way, way, WAY too excited about this IHOP business.

One of our public pools just opened after a huge remodel. But I don�t go there. I swim where I used to work. And it strikes me as odd that the lifeguard are on average almost 10 years younger than. Half of the guys don�t even shave yet. It�s scary. I mean, if I�m gonna near-drown and receive mouth-to-mouth---I want to make sure it�s worth my while.

Yeah. I�m weird. So I need to find a guy who is brunette, brown eyes (although hazel will be just fine, thank you), can tolerate Elvis, will take me to the IHOP, wants kids, will take me to Hawaii for a honeymoon, has a great sense of humor, is intelligent, tolerates cats (even homicidal ones), doesn�t live in or plan to stay in, Iowa, someone who will let me watch sports, enjoy my cooking (it would be damn hard not to), likes to do most of the driving...height? What do I care? I'm an inch away from making cookies in a tree!

No. In summation, I need to find someone who is intellectually stimulating. Anything else is icing.

Damn my impossibly high standards.

More to be added as I think of it. Oh, and I want to earn my degree. But I'd like to be a sahm. We can negotiate. I suppose he could work at an IHOP. That could be the proverbial two birds, one stone dealio!

Anybody you know fit his description? Although I would prefer �enjoys Elvis� as opposed to �tolerates Elvis.� But--hey--I�m not that picky!

I know, I know. I�m going to end up doing a Weird Science/Frankenstein thing in my basement. Or dating Marilyn Manson. Oh, well. As long as I get those cheese blintzes...

I�m a freak.

~*~

Have a happy day!

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