Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

Three really annoying things

May 06, 2002 ... 11:00 p.m.

Three really annoying things

The Clunes, pipe bombers and Kirsten Dunst.

So, I watched Frontier House all day yesterday.

Okay, not really, but I taped it.

I saw bits and pieces of it last week and I kept thinking that Karen was a crazy witch. But now I'm thinking that if I had the Clunes as neighbors, I might go crazy, too.

Waaah, we're starving...duh, you bake and eat huge meals all the time. Hello! And cheating all the time?

Oy.

But, you know, for all my anti-snow, anti-Iowa propaganda...I would love that type of experience. I do want a farm. But, Clunes or no Clunes, the lack of Elvis cds would drive me batty.

I gots to have my stereo. No ifs, ands, or buts. Gotta have music.

I fall asleep to music, I wake up to music, my favorite cable channels are the music channels (not MTV or any of those--I mean the ones that have no picture and just play music, like a tv/radio thing)--heck, Iďż˝m listening to music right now. Yes, yes, how very interesting. Itďż˝s ďż˝Nothingďż˝s Changedďż˝ by The Calling, but itďż˝s almost over...and now itďż˝s...some crap that I quickly change to...ďż˝Amor Prohibidoďż˝ by Selena.

Have I mentioned that I just love Selena? My favorite song of hers is ďż˝Si Una Vez.ďż˝ Plus in the movie, her husband was played by Jon Seda. Anything that involves Jon Seda is a good thing.

Iďż˝d like Jon Seda to play my husband.

But then, I would have to be dead........and interesting.

Nuts.

Iďż˝ve got mushrooms! MUSHROOMS! Morel mushrooms. Ohhhhhh, they are so good. If you havenďż˝t had any, I feel bad for you. My uncle hunts for them--they are hard to find and where they are found is a closely guarded secret. It sounds funny, but they are...well, I wouldnďż˝t say rare but, not common. And the timing and weather have to be just so... Okay, my uncle found some, but to give you some idea of the scarcity and demand, a week ago my grandpa bought three half-pound bags.

$20 a piece.

Uh-huh. See?

But they are soooooooo gooooooood.

Okay, dude who is putting all the pipe bombs in the mail? KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!

I havenďż˝t gotten mail in three flipping days. My mailman is lazy anyway, he doesnďż˝t need incentive, okay?

And now, to get mail, we have to leave our mailbox doors open. Yeah. I donďż˝t live in a rural area. I live right off a very busy street. I need some yahoo stealing what mail I do get. Cripes.

Note to Mr. Pipe Bombing Jackass: you better be careful about whose mailboxes you rig up. I have friends in Anamosa and Tipton and family in Davenport who get very edgy without their L.L. Bean catalogues. You are going to try to rig the wrong personďż˝s mailbox one night and look up into a 12-gauge. Not that I advocate violence but, dude, quit while youďż˝re ahead.

So youďż˝ve got ďż˝unresolved issuesďż˝ with the government. So what? So does everybody else. Taxes stink, the INS stinks, local government stinks, the CIA bugs my house and my car and still they won't tell me who REALLY shot JFK. Or RFK, for that matter. So you think the system stinks? Get rid of the pipe bombs and get a shrink!

Fed up, Eibisch

Note to J.K. Rowling: what do you mean you didnďż˝t make the deadline? Sometime before June 2003? Stop the insanity! 2003?!?! Another year???? What am I supposed to do now? I can maybe stretch the new Left Behind a week. Maybe. The movie can only tide me over so long, you know. Put your muggle nose to the grindstone!!!

Impatiently, Eibisch

Note to Kirsten Dunst: I do not like you. Go away. Now.

Note to Vern Yip from Trading Spaces: Okay, lots of people like you. I am one of them. I want you to do a romantic bedroom in lavender/light purple with red and gold accents. Because those are my favorite colors and I need ideas for my room--I am not artistic, I practically hyperventilate from picking a nail polish color. And, you should wear that reddish/burgundy shirt or that color while you do this room. The color is very flattering. Plus, I think you are very cute.

Sincerly, Eibisch

Oy! Thatďż˝s it for tonight. I need to get up early and go register for summer courses. Blech.

~*~

Have a happy day!

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