Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

Caved Like The Philippines

July 31, 2004 ... 8:03 a.m.

Eibisch: �Hey, you wanna watch Mystery Science Theatre 3000?�
Bootsie: �I�d rather eat my own spleen.�

Note to Les Moonves and CBS:

So, over in MeeshaPeesha�s notes a few days ago., there was a Princess Bride quote-fest. Ah, I love that movie.

�INCONCEIVABLE!�
�You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.�

�You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.�
�You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.�

Anyway, it reminded of a couple of phone calls from Oscar. He called me at around 1am, so I wasn�t expecting it, and I answered and heard �Sleep well. I�ll most likely kill you in the morning.� Need I tell you how freaked I was? Until I woke up and then I giggled for a half hour.

Another time, he called from home and Mom answered. Oscar, who does a spot on impersonation of Mandy Patinkin, said �My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.�

Mom was less than amused, but we still get mileage out of it.

Okay. So I have weird friends. So what?

Cousin#1 has hit a rough patch in his two-month marriage.

And by �rough patch�, I actually mean �divorce-level-event�.

See, Cousins #1, #3 and #5 are (technically) orphans. Their dad died when #1 was 18, #3 was 15 and #5 was 11. Their mom (my mom�s sister) died not quite four years later. After the estates were taken care of and belongings divided, Cousin#1 ended up with his father�s wedding band. For 14 years, the ring was safely stored away.

Last weekend, Cousin#1 and Ivy went to Chicago while her brothers watched their house.

Idiotic decision, in my not so humble opinion. But, you know, whatever.

The ring was hidden in a very unusual place and the only ones who knew where were my cousin and Ivy.

That�s right--it�s gone. BUT Ivy�s rings are still there.

Cousin#1 believes Ivy�s brothers stole it and that Ivy, at best, told them where it was or, at worst, had them steal it and hock it. They have rap sheets and have stolen before which, of course, is why you would let them watch your house.

Brilliant.

I�m sure, once she realizes what a no-no messing with the wedding band of your husband�s deceased father is, it will magically turn up. And I�m just as sure that he will buy whatever the excuse is for wherever it is �found�.

Because men are stupid. Well, not all men. Just the vast majority.

A couple of entries ago, I mentioned that I was sure Hal Sparks had been on an episode of �Dr. Quinn�. Remember? No? Alrighty then! Anyway, a day or two later I saw him talking about being in an episode. He was on VH1�s �I Love The 90s�. I felt like a shmuck and thought everyone would think I�d just seen it, but I swear I hadn�t. I remembered.

Okay. We watched �Dr. Quinn� religiously. I hated that show, but Mom and Bootsie LOVED it.

By the way--Chad Allen? Gay. It�s a fact. Use it as you wish (hee--as you wish). Cute, but gay.

Anyway, I saw this episode and his character�s name was Ghost or Cloud something or something in the metaphysical realm. I thought he was gorgeous and I could only remember �Hal� from the credits--not his last name. Jeez. How can you properly stalk someone with only a first name and a bit part in one episode of a second-rate, saccharine, melodramatic television series? Well, you can�t! But then he started hosting Talk Soup--God bless E!--and I put 2 and 2 together and realized the Talk Soup host and the mystically named drunken fake Indian hottie were one and the same.

And, I will have you know, that only one person let me know that I was right. It was after I saw it on VH1, but still.

And a special thank you to her--for reiterating the fact that I am not insane. At least not clinically.

I am so behind in everything. And I don�t even have school! I just can�t seem to get anything done. I started cleaning in our basement--which is freaking huge--and every time I go down there now, it�s like ... back upstairs! I have laundry to do or a floor to mop and nobody really sees the basement, anyway.

I haven�t been updating, I�ve barely been reading any journals--I don�t know what the problem is. But I though I�d put this up and, hopefully, at least one more before Thursday�s post-Cher�s-Farewell-Tour report. YAY! Front row CENTER, baby!

Currently Reading: Sarah by Marek Halter

Listening To: Riddlin� Kids
...everything is gonna be okay...

Have a happy day!

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