Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

Yeah, but are there kittens?

January 06, 2002 ... 12:07 p.m.

Yeah, but are there kittens?

For 2+ years I have been looking for a particular Elvis doll--a gold lam� Elvis doll. I have 3 of the 4 in this series. But no gold lam�. I saw it on eBay once. But it went to over $400. A little out of my range. Where'd they all go? There's got to be thousands out there. The other three are easy enough to find.

Probably, somewhere in Kansas, an otherwise sweet little old grandmother is diabolically hoarding gold lam� Elvis dolls.

It's just a smidge frustrating.

I got the entire "Left Behind" series of books as a gift. I'm not very far into the first book, but I understand the jist of the series.

See, it's the end of the world. All the biblical prophecies come true. Israel's a powerhouse. All of Israel's enemies are destroyed with fire, hail, rain and...something else I can't remember right now.

Jesus comes and snaps up all the babies and children and really good people. Er, the righteous. Er, the saved. It's called "Rapture."

It's kind of freaky. But cool.

Like how there is this buffalo in Wisconsin that was born all white and changes colors a bunch of times. In Native American culture, this buffalo's birth is monumental. It signals the return of the White Buffalo Woman and she is supposed to bring spiritual harmony. I don't remember if she has anything to do with the end of the world, per say, but I think her story parallels Jesus' return for the righteous.

Or how about St. Malachy and his papal prophecies. He prophesized (is that a word?) describing the popes (eerily accurate, by the way) that there would be 112 popes before the end. Those up on their Papal trivia will know that means...only 2 popes left!

And the current one is looking none to hearty.

Anyway, back to "Left Behind." Here's where the title comes in. The apocalyptic battle between good and evil ensues between those who were...say it with me...left behind!

I am thinking if I were left behind, for the battle between good and evil, I'd better be snapped up by the good side fast.

I mean, because I can't even say no to telemarketers. I always listen to their spiel and try to politely decline at the end. Sometimes my sister has to rip the phone away from me and hang it up. Then I feel guilty all night.

I think evil could win me over with some kittens and a pair of big brown eyes.

Bring me kittens and I'm yours. Especially if you have brown eyes. But even with blue eyes, who can resist the fluffy little balls of puff that are kittens? Not me.

Asking me to marry you? Forget the diamond; bring me a couple of tabbies. No, I'll take the diamond. The kitties would be a bonus. Maybe more like possible blackmail.

Say yes or it's bye bye kitty.

Books always try to describe their main characters, but I always picture people or actors that I know. For Rayford Steel, I picture Tom Selleck.

I just think that with a name like Rayford Steel, you totally need a Tom Selleck-y kind of guy.

And for Cameron "Buck" Williams, I see...Wentworth Miller. He seems right for that role (truth be told, I picture him for ANY role), plus I just like picturing Wentworth Miller. He's yummy.

In the movie, Kirk Cameron plays Buck. He's fine in the role, but I'm still thinking.....no. Tom and Went.

Anyway, in this series is a fellow named Nicolae Carpathia is the antichrist. He's all charismatic and stuff, so people follow him. I haven't really figured out who should play this guy, because (so far, anyway) the book hasn't described him. He's good looking and he's got be charming. Let me think...

Who?

I know!

My high school sweetheart, JD! Yep, JD is perfect; charisma up the wazoo, could charm the horns off a goat, very all-American--blond hair and blue eyes and a great smile.

Oh, and did I mention he's totally evil?

Anyway, the antichrist would have to be charismatic and charming and good looking, right? Because if he looked like...say...a giant cockroach, people wouldn't follow him, right?

With my luck I'd be left behind; the antichrist would have all the kittens, a gold lam� Elvis doll and look just like Jon Seda.

That would be wrong on so many levels that it would be impossible to explain why without pie charts.

Have a happy day!

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