Perfectly Crapulent ... er .... Cromulent
November 03, 2004 ... 12:09 p.m.
Ernie: “Another curb made of pudding!”
[3am]
Oscar: “Well?”
Eibisch: “Nothing much, Bush got the South. Kerry took the Northeast and West coast.”
Oscar: “Ohio?”
Eibisch: “Don’t know, but it looks like Bush.”
Oscar: “WHAT??? How can Ohio possibly vote for Bush?”
Eibisch: “Well ...”
Oscar: “Well nothing. Half of their workforce is unemployed because their jobs were shipped overseas thanks to Bush. HALF!”
Eibisch: “Florida voted Bush.”
Oscar: “Their brains have been addled by too many hurricanes.”
Eibisch: “Wow.”
Oscar: “At least Iowa fought the good fight.”
Eibisch: “ ...”
Oscar: “WHAT????? Iowa did NOT! NO!”
Eibisch: “It’s too close to call, but it looks like Bush by less than 1,000 right now.”
Oscar: “Oh my God. Iowa votes Republican for the first time in 10 ...”
Eibisch: “20.”
Oscar: “... For the first time in 20 years and it’s for that douchebag?”
Eibisch: “ I know. And the poll jerks thought I was a middle-schooler, argued with me about how to spell my name and then -- THEN -- the damned voting table fell on my knee!”
Oscar: “Did it hurt?”
Eibisch: “Yes.”
Oscar: “Did it bleed?”
Eibisch: “It did.”
Oscar: “Tsk, tsk. All that sacrifice ... the pain, the blood ... and for what? Bush.”
Eibisch: “I guess people feel safer.”
Oscar: “So, then, it is true ... Americans ARE stupid!”
Eibisch: “Oscar, we’ve had terrorism shoved down ...”
Oscar: “Did New York vote for Bush?”
Eibisch: “No.”
Oscar: “Did DC vote for Bush?”
Eibisch: “No.”
Oscar: “Did Pennsyl -- freaking -- vania vote for Bush?”
Eibisch: “No. I --”
Oscar: “So each place DIRECTLY AFFECTED by terrorism voted for Kerry?”
Eibisch: “True.”
Oscar: “Who needs to feel safer -- New York or Tennessee?”
Eibisch: “Graceland is in Tennessee.”
Oscar: “Yeah and what if Al Qaeda blows up Graceland?”
Eibisch: “Oh, then it’s ON! I will personally hunt his ass down!”
Oscar: “It’ll be Chicago next.”
Eibisch: “Mmmkay.”
Oscar: “Think about it. Hitting the U.S. dead center? That’d be a mega coup.”
Eibisch: *sigh*
Oscar: “The [people in this country] were afraid of this.”
Eibisch: “Hey! Kerry or Bush, he’s our president --not [that country’s].!”
Oscar: “I know, I know ... but safer?”
Eibisch: “Oscar, They BELIEVE it.”
Oscar: “They’re wrong.”
Eibisch: “Maybe.”
Oscar: “No, they are. By virtue of 9/11 just happening, we’re safer -- we never believed an attack of that magnitude could happen. It did. Now we know. And Bush is losing us allies and the U.N. and isolation is not the key to safety.”
Eibisch: “Well, it’s four more years.”
Oscar: “But Green Bay won!”
Eibisch: “Oscar, I think the Red Sox winning the Series screwed all the sports analogies.”
Oscar: “A pox upon them! One year of not winning for every job lost in the next four years and one decade for every life lost in Iraq!”
Eibisch: “Gotcha.”
Oscar: “Four more ...”
Eibisch: “Can I move in with you?”
Oscar: “Certainly, but you do know the {people of this country] don’t care much for Americans.”
Eibisch: “We can tell them I’m Canadian, eh?”
Oscar: “Sure. A Canadian who doesn’t drink beer or watch hockey. That’ll fly.”
Eibisch: “Another term. Well, really, what’s the worst that can happen? It can’t get much worse.”
Oscar: “Famous last words.”
Currently Reading: Six Questions of Socrates by Christopher Phillips
Listening To: Very Best of Stone Roses
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