Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

Shopping On A Saturday Means No Football

October 10, 2004 ... 11:11 a.m.

[missing her turn, running a light and swerving across 5 lanes]
Bootsie: “I hope I’m not doing anything illegal.”

Saturday, we decided to sh-bop on over to Des Moines and go to the Jordan Creek Mall -- the Valley’s new giant mall.

Yes, this is considered ‘fun’ on Saturdays when their is no football. Well, Iowa State played, so I mean any important football.

It took us around two hours to get there and, once we did, we got stuck behind school bus after school bus after school bus. See, the mall is not in just Des Moines, but West Des Moines -- the rich part of town. And this weekend they were holding West Des Moines Valley High’s marching band invitational. Valley. Hate them. With their 4 semis to transport everything (WE had a little trailer, my van and our own legs) and their new instruments (WE got new instruments when ... NEVER) and their new uniforms (WE had the same uniforms for 10 years and their rich school (WE got air conditioning -- only in our cafeteria -- when I was a senior) and their own stadium (WE had to share a stadium with 3 other high schools).

Yes. I am still bitter.

Anyway, we parked and went into the Pottery Barn. I love the catalog, but the store was less than impressive and it smelled funny. The next store we went to was Williams Sonoma. Mom bought a thing of Meringue Powder for my grandpa . I sampled some pumpkin bread (mine is better) with some pumpkin butter, which was delicious. I also tried some foccaccia (sp?) bread with a couple of different oils. I first tried “Toasted Parmesan with Garlic and Rosemary”, which sounded good and I thought I’d like it. Not so much. Then I tried “Bleu Cheese and Caramelized Onions”. Oh my. Oh. My. It was sooooo good.

I was going to try others, but the tasting area was right next to the lotions and soaps and I got distracted. Bootsie tried on some Lavender, but didn’t really care for it. I can’t remember what Mom tried, but she was not overly enamored of any scents, although she did seem to like “Winter Forest” a bit. I, however, fell in love with the Spiced Chestnut scent. It’s so ... homey. It smells like your house a few hours after you’ve baked a pumpkin pie, made some hot apple cider, lit a real fire in the fireplace and it’s snowy and cold outside and the family has just started arriving for Christmas dinner.

If you could put all that in one scent, Spiced Chestnut would be it. Bootsie bought me the lotion, but I want it all. Because I’m selfish.

We wandered around for a bit and came upon Victoria’s Secret. I like VS, but those of us with anything larger than C cups are somewhat without the variety of options. I ended up with a couple of bras (pink = happy Eibisch). I also got a tank top. It’s green.

We went to another store, but I can’t remember the name. I got a brown/gray/cream/tan striped boatneck sweater and some brown-with-tan pinstriped pants. shut up. They go together! They do! If only in Eibisch land.

We then made a beeline for Build A Bear. We are invited to my little cousin Michaela’s 3rd birthday party. I picked out a unicorn and had it stuffed. Then you have to pick a little stuffed heart, warm it in your hands, put it to your forehead, make a wish for the recipient and kiss both sides. Then the stuffer-gal stuffed it inside the unicorn and sewed it up. Bootsie picked out the “Princess” t-shirt to dress the doll in -- so very Michaela -- and then we made a “birth certificate”. As we were doing that, we decided to make on for Abby (Michaela’s younger, less spoiled, more of an afterthought sister). This is the second birthday party for Michaela we’ve been invited to, but none for Abby. So, Mom picked out a cute little bear, stuffed him, did the heart routine and I picked out the “Angel” tee. We wanted pink but they only had blue. We put them in their little boxes and headed to lunch.

Mom went to put the bags and boxes in the car and Bootsie and I ducked into the Godiva chocolate store and bought Mom (a notorious choc-a-holic) a small bag. Then the two of us ventured out to the ‘boardwalk’. A lovely walk along a beautiful blue-green, man-made lagoon. Gorgeous. The Italian restaurant wasn’t open yet, I am not a fan of Chinese and Bootsie wanted to go to “Joe’s Crab Shack”. Mmm ... death on the boardwalk. I just figured I’d have some chicken fingers or something and Mom had rejoined us, but there was a 50 minute wait and ... no.

We schlepped back to the main mall and thought we’d go to the Cheesecake Factory. Because me and cheesecake? Soulmates. Alas, the fates conspired against us in the form of outrageous menu prices. Thus we were forced to reconsider and went to Champp’s. I ordered a bleu cheese burger, Mom ordered chicken cordon blue and Bootsie got the Buffalo chicken sandwich. Mom and I cut ours in half and switched halves. I ate my burger half -- yum! -- and gave my sister my cordon blue half and so she gave me the last half of her sandwich. I don’t know how long we were there, but we were there long enough to watch half of the first, and all of the second, quarter of the Ohio State-Wisconsin game.

Although we were stuffed, I wanted to see the singing icre cream boys of Coldstone Creamery. So Mom got some “turtle”-type confection, Bootsie got a peanut butter cup thing and I got a “Banana Split Decision” sans strawberries. It was banana flavored ice cream, toasted almonds, whipped cream and chocolate syrup. It was very, very good.

While eating our ice cream, we saw a very tall drag queen. And on top of being really tall, she was wearing Jimmy Choo’s. JIMMY --freaking -- CHOO’S!!!!!! Some people have way too much money. That they’re not sharing with me.

Bootsie ended up driving home. Bootsie is a bit on the wild side as a driver. Mom is a safe driver and I’m a freaking maniac. But we made it safely home.

1. Last night, I ate too much at dinner because I was concentrating on the conversation (intense), and not the food (very rich). I paid for it by being up much of the night with a stomach-ache. When was the last time you overate to the point where you had to pay for it?
My uncle is an avid hunter and I am an avid eater of deer sausage. And when the processors put cheddar cheese into the sausage? Fuhgeddaboutit. I am on that like white on rice in a glass of milk. Trouble is, I can only eat a few slices before my stomach is ... not upset, exactly -- more like “slightly troubled”. But, since I only get it three times a year, I am stuffing my face and end up all ick-ified for several days. But it is sooooo worth it.

2. I'm not really a drinker, but my tummy can't handle hard liquor. Two weekends ago, after ONE drink, I was sick at a club. When was the last time alcohol affected you negatively?
Never.

3. I was rarely sick as a child, but I always seemed to be home from school ill during major events ... Reagan getting shot, John Lennon getting killed, Elvis dying, the first few space shuttle launches, Sadat being killed. Were you a healthy child?
I had ear infections and tonsillitis frequently. I also had chicken pox twice, but I rarely missed school or anything.

4. My younger brother had chronic ear infections, and tubes put in his ears at the age of four. Were your siblings healthy or sickly?
Bootsie was quite sickly her first year, but she’s very healthy now.

5. I've only been hospitalized for the births of my two children. Have you ever had to stay overnight at a hospital? What was that for?
Yep. I had surgery on my foot (severed Achilles’) when I was 13 and was in for 6 days, surgery on my back (scoliosis) when I was 14 and was in for 6 days and another surgery on the same foot when I was 17 and I was in for 10 days. That was 5 more than we thought, but the idiots gave me Morphine instead of Demarol. I am very allergic to Morphine and it even said so on my chart. But, you know, whatever.

6. Have you ever been dragged into someone else's nasty breakup? Tell us about that.
Yep. The first time Robin broke up with Ethan. I actually wasn’t involved, per say, but I was spending the weekend at her place. That was the same weekend he was moving his stuff out. He wanted to talk her into taking him back, but I was there and it just turned into a mess.

7. Do you have a chronic pain or an injury that you have to treat 'with kid gloves'?
I have some intermittent pain in my hip, but my real problem is my knee. I still have no ACL and it is a real bitch sometimes.

8. Have you ever been in a position where someone wanted something from you, and you could manipulate them if you wanted to? Did you, or did you not take the opportunity for a little revenge? Tell us about that.
I have been in that position and, yes, I worked it to my advantage. But then, I regularly do that.

Currently Reading: The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse by Robert Rankin

Listening To:
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Have a happy day!

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