Before you know it, you're the crazy cat lady in the scary house

Wish I Was There

September 18, 2004 ... 12:28 a.m.

Eibisch“ “Hahaha--you look like a deranged psychopath in that photo!”
Oscar: “Hey! You can’t say that--you’re my friend!”
Eibisch: “I say it with love.”
Oscar: “My ass looks amazing, though!”

I want to get out of here. I just want to leave and go somewhere away from here.

Like when I moved to North Carolina. I ended up staying with my cousin, but I just packed up and left one day. No goodbyes, just went. I felt bad about just leaving my sister. I missed my sister terribly -- she is my very best friend (even though she pisses me off. A lot.). I didn’t miss Mom much at all. I love my mom, but sometimes I don’t like her very much.

She freaks out about every little thing and is so damn dramatic and everything is done to her and she does everything for everyone. I live with a saint. And a martyr.

So, yeah, tonight was fun. My sister and I got in a fight about ... oh, originally it was about me listening to Dr. Phil too loudly.

Bite me. Because when it’s something either of them wants to see -- the neighbors can hear it.

But I turned the tv down because, really, what’s the point? They’re both bigger than me. After Dr. Phil, they wanted to see M*A*S*H. I switched channels but left the volume at “Dr. Phil level”. And -- oh my God -- they could barely hear it and why won’t I turn it up and my show was louder and blah blah blah.

When I said it was the same, my sister pinched me for being a brat.

And then? Oh, it was ON! I punched her, she punched me. And, let me tell you something, my “little” sister has 6 inches, 40 pounds and a pair of linebacker-worthy shoulders on me but, when we fight, we fight. We are terrible. Seriously. I’ve said it before.

Or maybe I haven’t, because I just looked and can’t find the examples I want. So here goes... When my sister and I fight, there are no little shoves, no empty threats. If I tell her “I’m going to beat you with a hammer“--there damn well better not be a hammer anywhere in the general vicinity because I will use it.

We will use anything at our disposal. Like one time she threw a full, unopened can of pop at me and it bounced off my head and broke our ceiling fan. And she threw a brick at me once, so I threw a ten-speed bike at her.

We both missed.

Look at this. I told you so. I did that. She’s about 3, so I was probably 6½. Maybe 7.

I wonder what Dr. Phil would have to say about that.

Normally I am not violent, I rarely swear and I have a long fuse when it comes to my temper. But tonight, man, I lost it. It really wasn’t about tv or volume levels or whatever. I had been building up some anger all week because I, apparently, do nothing of value in this home. It’s a warped version of the ‘working’ father--stay at home mother--how tough can housework be argument.

By the way? Take into consideration the amount of time I spend scrubbing carpets because my cat has a secret life as a female college coed who is very familiar with bulimia-as-diet meal plan. That’s a lot of scrubbing, friends. And we won’t even start with the alarming increase of catbox missage.

You do know I let them live only because killing them is illegal?

My kooky Godmother is taking an Arabic class. She thinks the Imam teaching the class is hot.

She is going to all different churches this year, because she no longer likes the one she has been going to. She invited me on her church tour.

w00t. I can just see it ... “Gee, sorry, Robin. I can’t go out tonight because I have to drive three hours to the Greek Orthodox church in Ottumwa with my kooky, 66-year-old, belly-dancing, Arabic-speaking, professional astrologer Godmother.. Next week it’s a Catholic church!”

Why I don’t have men beating a path to my door, I’ll never know.

Tonight, UIowa plays Arizona State on ABC. It’s a night game and starts at 9:05 (CST). I don’t know about this one, but I think it’ll be good. Plus, our kicker has a fun name to say -- “Schlicher”. Shhhhhhhhh--liiiiiicckkkkkkerrrrr.

I’m really 12.

Saturday-8

1. What is the strongest storm you've ever been through?
We usually get some pretty wicked tornadoes and flooding, but I don’t really no. Hurricane Bertha, but that wasn’t so bad.

2. Have you ever evacuated an area and had to stay with friends or family?
Nope.

3. If you're single, do you tend to be more frightened or upset about things that happen in your life? Do you handle things differently if you're in a relationship, in general?
I’m better single. I’m used to it! Actually, no boyfriend means one less thing for me to worry about.

4. When you were a kid, did you do crazy things during storms or in general?
When there were floods, we used to go swim in the overflowing rivers. I drove a van in high school and my friends and I used to chase tornadoes. During the winter, in the same van, I’d go as fast as I could over unplowed streets and see how long it took before I started spinning. Those were the days.

5. What is the most stupid thing you've ever heard of someone doing during inclement weather?
Um, I have this ... friend ... who sat in a horse tank--a large metal tank--full of water during a storm, watching the lightning.

6. My estranged husband is hanging out during the storm, and is really affectionate. He's been "good" for over a month, even going to counseling with me. How long should I do the "wait and see" before deciding to take him back?
Like I have any experience with this?

7. M 24-yr. old boytoy dumped me this past Monday night, to show I was classy and, frankly, "the bigger person," I shipped in three bags of his favourite Israeli treat with a note saying, "no hard feelings...” What would you say if he called to thank YOU after you'd sent such a gesture?
He probably won’t, but I’d be all “Yes, yes, you’re welcome. Good luck. Now I have to go write my favorite detergent company and tell them how much I enjoy their product, so toodles!”

8. This summer I've become positively addicted to cherry slurpees from 7-11. What summer treat is YOUR favourite?
Banana splits with hot fudge. A close second would be a big ol’ Ghirardelli Square sundae. I’m not a big chocolate person, but Ghirardelli stuff is good stuff. And, by the way, I was 12ish in that photo.

Currently Reading: The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse by Robert Rankin

Listening To: ELV1S
...might as well open up your heart and baby satisfy me...

Have a happy day!

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